Legeips (2021)

This series of selfportraits were taken during the process of the performance piece ‘Zie, Een Zoon (Look, A Son.) ’ As this work researched christianity, red and white and self image, a performative experiment emmerged. An attempt to look myself in the eyes for 1 hour straight. Which in the end failed, an hour was never reached. Often after 15min. it got already very intense, a rollercoaster of feelings hits you over the head, your appearance starts to change, you get a continuously altering version of yourself which makes you question and lose your sense of reality. This experiment was done multiple times under different circumstances. First how I am most days, clothed with hair and makeup done and normal lighting, then when I came right out of bed with my hair allover the place and a morning face and dimmed lighting, then when I just came out of the shower, completely naked, then lastly with red lighting, extreme white face and red eyeshadow, brows and lips, wearing a red blazer and white T-Shirt and pants. These images were made during the last attempt. All of them are shot through the mirror itself. A bit like ‘The Lady of Shalott’ the camera was only allowed to capture and look at reality through a mirror. There are beliefs, myths and stories that mirrors are portals to another dimension, it opens a portals for demons to come into the real world and possess you, that the souls of the dead get trapped inside them and when a family member and/or loved one passes away you should cover up all mirrors with cloths or blankets so that their soul doesn’t get trapped, there are also people who believe that when you look yourself in the eyes for a long time you start to see either your ancestors or yourself in past lives. Then I was a demonesque, medusa like witch with light giving bright blue/grey eyes.